It has been a while since I have written a blog post, and that is about to change. I know that it is important to remain modelling that contemplative spirit in reading that has been such a core, along with writing, of my spiritual practice. One of my "peeps" suggested that this is the place where I can teach in my ideal way, writing what I want to say and want to do, even if I cannot always do that in the classroom. So here goes (again)...
So I am here, in my office, listening to Carol King radio on Pandora, which has shifted to play The Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun." Perfect song with an amazing lyric! In the gym in the mornings and elsewhere, I have been studying--meditating really--on the rule of Benedict and the commentary of Georg Holzherr, recommended by the abbot of the monastery where I am a confraternity member. The last couple of days, I have been reading in the Rule and the commentary on humility (Benedict's seventh chapter in that translation). I struggle with this virtue, because I feel that it must be distinguished from denigration and, following close on denigration's heels, despair. I think people who have suffered abuse, and particularly those who have been members of abused minorities (such as people in America of African dissent; #BlackLivesMatter) have a hard time knowing the difference, because too often they have been forced to be humble or have been humiliated (and continue to be), but not in a holistic, life-affirming manner that Christ teaches. (I have been teaching Alice Walker's "In Search of my Mother's Garden" today, and that essay draws a very similar point.)
In the Rule, St. Benedict lists eleven "steps" of ascending through the practice of humility toward full compliance with God. Benedict's first step is to keep God "always before" your eyes. It is accepting the fact that God is panoptical, an idea that (when practiced socially) is quite destructive (see Foucault, Discipline and Punish), but which I take to mean that we always keep ourselves mindful of God, praying constantly, or keeping the lifeline to The Spirit open (Thich Nihat Hanh talked about this connectedness beautifully on Oprah's show Super Soul Sunday, which available on OWN network On Demand) at all times, walking in peace and centeredness. It means that we are surrounded at all times by love and grace! What a wondrous thing that is as a first step on the ascent of humility! Amen.
Explaining this step, Benedict writes that "we are forbidden to to do our own will, for as Scripture teaches us: Turn away from your desires (Sir 18.30)." Later in the same passage in the Rule, Benedict cites the continuation of Sirach 18:30, which wisely counsels: "Pursue not your own lusts." (Love the Wisdom of Sirach!!) I struggle with the question of distinguishing my own desires from God's desires for me. That connectedness to the lifeline of the Spirit is so key, as we walk in His insight and His light. For Benedict, this means obedience to God and to the Abbot which, along with stability and conversion, are the hallmarks of the Benedictine way. I think we are given those in our lives to trust in and obey as well--our priest may be one, or a personal trainer we trust; a partner who we know as deeply as they know us can also help here as well. And this obedience is not mindless, but reverent. Also, not everyone deserves that respectful, thoughtful obedience; a boss at work is not in the same position, for example, for we are not meant to mindlessly follow anyone, although we should respect those who have been granted authority over us.
The second step models this as well, focusing on Christ's statement (in John 6.38) that "I have come not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me." We much be attuned deeply and reverently to God and those we sense a mutual Godly spirit in (as is related, the Spirit moves as it wills) to detect and follow what God's wants for us and our lives.
More anon...
The distinction between humility and humiliation is very important. My ascetics professor in seminary defined humility as seeing the truth of oneself. A humiliated person needs to see the truth that he or she is better than others have imposed on such a one. The first step, living in God's presence is the key to all the other steps. But this step can only be understood if one realizes that God's gaze is loving and forgiving and not judgmental. We easily project our own judgmentalism on to God.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Abbot Andrew. This is well-stated.
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